the sophont

i wrote a book the sophont said
to codify my knowledge
to prove that i am smarter than
those fakers up in college

they think they’re bright those college folk
with their degrees and learning
but i could beat them all hands down
the way my mind keeps churning

i know the who the what the why
and how they fit together
to calculate the ifs and buts
and to predict the whether

it doesn’t stop there the sophont spoke on
my thoughts fly faster and higher
the only thing that i can’t explain
is why i’m a terrible liar

perks

though each and every one of us
could struggle through the mire
brave the battle raging
stand firm against the fire
there’s not one flaming reason
that any of us should
unless the perks are plenty
and the pay is bloody good

uncle bing

now here’s the thing, said uncle bing
i’ve had my crack at being king
but wood will burn and iron rust
and as a king i was a bust
it seems you can’t take any fool
and shove them on a throne to rule
and hope that he, or maybe she
will step right up and somehow be
the one to cure the people’s pains
unless you choose someone with brains
and i, said bing, as is well known
have got no brains to call my own

damommza birthday 2015

they say that as you get older
the aches and the pains they accrue
the eyesight goes, as does the stamina
and I must say, my dear, that it’s true
but there isn’t a point in complaining
you can caterwaul ’til you’ve gone red
but try to remember your blessings
you can’t grumble once you are dead
so suck it up and keep on toiling
struggling on, and I pray
that you manage to kick back and relax
and enjoy a happy birthday

yet anuvva burfdae

burfdae wishuz hoo wood haz tehm
scroo tehm up adn in teh bin
ai’z tu owld tu stil bee cowntin
senn-ess-sense iz settin in

wonse ai dansed upon teh taybulz
wonse ai woz so lieth adn fin
nao ai’m shaypd juss liek a beechbawl
nao ai haz a trebul chin

wotz teh ues in gettin owldur
wai iz tihs hao fingz must go
ayjin iz a curs upon uz
butt nuffin seemz tu holt teh floe

o mother

o mother he came to my bower
and spoke to me sweet words of love
o mother how do I kill him
if and when push comes to shove

my daughter the methods are many
and many of them have I tried
but the best must be a blunt object
for that’s how your poor father died

late

come he told her gently
and reached out for her hand
follow in my footsteps
we’ll reach that magic land
where all the elves are feisty
and Santa mighty pissed
the reindeer are all bolshie
and Rudolph’s sorely missed
he went out for a tinkle
we told him don’t be long
but he has not returned yet
which buggers up the song
so Donner’s wearing greasepaint
and Blitzen a false nose
but neither one is working
so Santa can’t use those
the toy shop has been burnt down
destroying all the toys
but at least there is no shortage
of coal for naughty boys
and Santa won’t stop drinking
he’s on his second crate
so sadly we must tell you
this year Christmas is late

xmas? yeah, right

by damommza & sunovawot

The shopping is over
The wrapping is done
I’ve made lots of cookies
And eaten every one
The stockings are hung
By the chimney with care
I’m off to the gym
Before I outgrow this chair….

the shopping’s not done yet
the wrapping’s a chore
I ain’t making cookies
’cause cooking’s a bore
the stockings are holey
the chimney is blocked
I’ll forgo the gym ’cause
the bar is well stocked

it’s

it’s vicious he said with its eyes bloody red
and its teeth that are sharp like a blade
its claws oh so keen and its language obscene
it’s the best little monster I’ve made

like monsters of old it’s tremendously bold
it will march up and spit in your eye
and somebody wrote that it smells like a goat
but that is a damnable lie

its fragrance it’s true may turn your face blue
and cause you to sputter and spume
but that I’m afraid is how it was made
with a stink that will empty the room

now some may pretend that they are its friend
and others to know it by sight
but the truth must be said, if you meet it you’re dead
for it never can stop at one bite

and notice said he, with malice and glee
a twinkling eye and a bow
in case you think I am telling a lie
it’s standing behind you right now

you?

the walls are closing in on me
the silence drags me down
the only thing that bears me up
is having you around
and that is rather shocking as
you know that this is true
I’d rather eat my own left foot
than spend my time with you

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 90 other followers