shadows dancing in my eyeline
i am shackled to my post
still i turn a ragged circle
to address the silent host
there are chords i can hear playing
drowning out my muttered words
so i turn my eyes to heaven
but all i see are birds
and the gaze of all the martyrs
pins me naked to the spot
i could beg for their forgiveness
but i don’t think that that’s my lot

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  1. I had been working on a poem that reached an impasse so I split it in to two pieces, and after some (read as “a lot of”) editing they became “us” and this one.

  2. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    OH!! I just wrote you on “us” saying it sounds like the beginning part of it is missing and here’s my answer!! :-))

  3. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    This also feels like a “segment of a greater poem” This and “sins” have good endings but both feel like they need to be set up with a beginning stanza.

    • You’re right, this started as the beginning of the larger work, although only the first four lines, slightly modified, were kept. More was added after the split, and that edited down to the version here. As this was my starting point for me adding more to the beginning would be superfluous.

  4. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    It’s well written but does have that “how did I get here” feeling. Maybe you can add something at the end that ties in to a beginning starting point?

    • The final version of this is quite a bit shorter than I originally wrote, but when rereading it I could see a natural pause after “my lot” and decided to kill it there. I was aware that it didn’t tell a story, but storytelling was not my intension, it’s a mood piece, and if it leaves you unsatisfied that’s unfortunate but if it leaves you wanting more, that’s good. 😀

  5. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    Oh, it leaves me wanting MORE which is UNFORTUNATE for me..until your next piece!! :-))) *giggle*


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