sins

though my sins lie on me heavy
as i stagger day to day
yet i’d sacrifice my demons
if i could only make them pay

what is life if not a question
are there answers to be found
let me speak, i’ve not yet spoken
for i can’t seem to make a sound

travelling toward perdition
seems to be my only course
what will be will be forever
unless i’m willing to use force

i will share each careworn moment
with any who can take the strain
all i ask but am not given
is an end to this world of pain

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10 Comments

  1. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    This feels like it is part of a longer piece and needs a first verse to set it up. The entire poem is completed with a good ending but it has a “set up the scene” need in the beginning. What say you?

    Reply
    • That could be because I wrote the first verse of this whilst working on “shadows” so I had a mindset informed by that as I wrote. My intension at first was not to use verses, but when revisiting it the first line of verse two popped into my head and that dictated the structure. I did virtually no editing on this one,as most of it came to me as it stands.

      Reply
  2. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    I like this one better than “shadows” I think because the reader can relate to “sins” as everyone has generic moment that makes them feel ashamed or desire forgiveness. Third stanza is the best because it seems (to me) that even with forgiveness, there can never be personal forgiveness so unless he can rise above (use force-force of will) he is condemned.

    Reply
    • My take on verse three is a bit different, external rather than internal. More a question of how much damage to others, or the world in general, can he justify to try and avoid the fate he acknowledges he’s earned.

      Reply
  3. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    Interesting…*rubs whiskers on chin* (not really) 😎

    Yes, I do see this as an internal struggle to overcome (himself) rather than others. 🙂

    Reply
    • As I’ve said before, the lovely thing is that, with stuff like mine, there is never only one right answer. 😀

      Reply
  4. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    Intersting that you mention this because I realize that when I read poetry about struggles, I see them as internal. Even with “the wrym” I viewed the beast as something internal where you viewed it as something external. I really should try looking at your poetry both ways. 🙂

    Reply
    • Either way is valid, unless I, or whoever, is explicit, and in my case that is unlikely. Ambiguity would be my middle name if I didn’t already have two others. 😀

      Reply
  5. damommza

     /  October 2, 2011

    Sunov Ambiguity Awot. Rolls right off the tongue. LOL

    Reply

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