what is left

carry on, i feel like screaming
weight of worlds upon me
here is darkness where is daybreak
but it seems i carry on

one more tear one less smile
i can count on as the doors
i should not have opened
silhouette my abject soul

charging into battles
i stand no chance of winning
with illusion as my banner
my shield and my arms

gentleness i dream of
but fear to encounter
if the world is not my enemy
what is left for me

take this last frozen kiss
try not judge me harshly
the fault is in myself
you never did me harm

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10 Comments

  1. damommza

     /  October 9, 2011

    OH!! So bittersweet!! I’m not sure if you wrote these all as one piece but they go together very well. As always, I love your endings. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • Oh yes, this was written as one piece. πŸ™‚ I took more time over the first line of the last verse than I did over the rest put together, and I’m still not happy with it. If I do come up with a line that invokes the mood I wanted, I will probably, for I think the first time, make a substantive change to a poem I have posted. πŸ˜•

      Reply
  2. damommza

     /  October 9, 2011

    I love the “frozen kiss”! It’s contradictory in nature, it’s devoid of warmth yet is trying to be the perfect imitation of what a kiss is supposed to be, unable to replicate it 100%, making the fault be the speaker’s, not the receiver’s. The receiver never hurt the speaker, the speaker is just doing the best he can with who he is (that’s my interpretation). πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • I’ve just been working on another poem, just got the editing to do to see if there is anything there, and it’s cleared my head a bit, I think. The problem lies with the word “last”. It implies an earlier intimacy which just doesn’t fit with the rest of the poem. I think “last” has to go, but what do you think? I might have tied myself in circles with the time I’ve spent on it. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  3. damommza

     /  October 9, 2011

    This is how I interpret it.

    The first line “carry on I feel like screamin” has two meanings. (let’s say it’s a man talking to a woman for the sake of ease) He is saying CARRY ON -implying nothing is ever going to happen and she has to move on AND it ties in with the last line “but it seems “I” carry on” meaning he has to move on as well, regardless of what he’s facing. So the first stanza is speaking to both of them.

    The last stanza-the kiss is the last kiss, even if it was the only one as well. It’s frozen, he can’t go back and he can’t move forward, it’s filled with coldness and “like a deer in the headlights” it’s frozen. It’s the last contact she will have with him and he does’t want to be judged for this last expression because he knows it is not enough but it is all he can do.

    So, I see the word “last” as the last thing he is going to do, not as the end of other kisses, just as the “end”. He is in a place that he doens’t want to be in yet dreams of being in a place of gentleness but, try as he does, the world is still his enemy.

    Reply
    • I intended the first line “carry on” as the kind of exhortation you give yourself when the going gets rough and from that standpoint I was thinking of the last line “you never did me harm” as using “you” in the plural, recognising that the world really is not his enemy, leaving him completely lost as his whole heroic vision of himself against the world crumbles. “what is left for me”, that is “how do I define myself when my life is a lie or illusion?” becomes then the heart of the poem, hence the title.

      Reply
  4. damommza

     /  October 9, 2011

    Isn’t it amazing how many ways the poem can be interpreted!. I viewed it as someone in search of something that he knows he cannot get but he continues on anyway. I also thought of it as a two person conversation where the speaker is on a quest and knows he is never going to win (charges into battle, I stand no chance of winning…). The speaker is torn between wanting something he can never have and having to give up the dream but still carry on. In believing the world was his enemy, he, at least, had a purpose. If he gives that up, he has nothing. The 2nd person wants to be part of that dream but the speaker has nothing to give so his “kiss is frozen”, his offering barren.

    This is what good poetry is. It is more than just the lines you write. It allows the reader to see so much more than what you are writing. What you write and what I read (interpret) are different, yet they maintain the basic feelings. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • Now, the reason I thought the battles were unwinnable was because they, like the weapons, were illusory. But we’ve had this conversation before, and I will happily reiterate, ALL readings are valid.

      Reply
  5. damommza

     /  October 9, 2011

    I agree, but that is why your poems are so good because they allows so many interpretations and they are all valid. Sometimes I read one and have a definite idea then I read it again a week later and find some nugget that I didn’t pick up on before. Then the poem changes and I see it differently.

    Reply
    • Occasionally I’ll do something like “truth or consequences” that is not open to alternative interpretations, but I do tend to favour messy over tidy. πŸ˜€

      Reply

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