chorus sing the blues

glyphs for sadness drawn upon
a face that’s grey from empty years
of searching for that one great hope

chains of time and pain
drag upon a body worn and bent
yet striving still

shrink again, again, once more
write a will in tears and blood
leave your dreams to rust and ruin

choose your time and take a step
towards the door that should stay closed
and whisper through a mouth gone numb
goodbye

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16 Comments

  1. lupinssupins

     /  October 25, 2011

    OMG, sunovawot, that is extremely powerful! Especially to this woman of a certain age. And to one who cared for my mother in her final, bedridden years and was with her as she drew her final, painful breath.

    Reply
    • Thank you, when possible I like to end my poems with a chink of light or hope, but one like “chorus” does not allow for that.

      Reply
  2. damommza

     /  October 25, 2011

    This is an extremely haunting poem and, I guess, foretells all of our futures, making it more so. Very poignant, very painful, very rich in emotion and imagery and very good. Another example of your ability to not let one word be fluff or filler. Each word is critical and no more words than are necessary, are used.

    (I’m not sure if this is the same in British English as in American English. Here, chorus is a singular noun and would be written “sings the blues”. Choruses would be plural and would “sing the blues”-what say ye?) or am I interpreting it wrong?

    Reply
    • lupinssupins

       /  October 25, 2011

      Chorus is a collective noun in Brit Ingerlish, aifinkso. “Parliament have voted,” “The Council have ruled,” “The BBC are programming,” “France have lost to New Zealand” 😦 and so on… It’s one more reason we are two countries divided by a common language;-)

      Reply
    • Chorus is a collective noun, although the American usage is becoming more common due, no doubt, to the popularity of American media, and I originally wrote it as “chorus sings the blues”. However I changed it for two reasons, firstly: I was thinking of a classic theatrical chorus which could be treated as plural whether made up of one or more people, and secondly: the line just reads more powerfully as “sing” instead of “sings”. There is the additional factor that in it’s present form it can be read as an instruction. Incidentally it started as a line in the poem that did not survive the edit, but I thought it to powerful and evocative to throw away so recycled it as the title. 🙂

      Reply
      • damommza

         /  October 25, 2011

        WordPress did not tell me you wrote so I troll the poems to sees if there are any nuggets left for me that I don’t know about! :-).

        Where in the poem was the title before it became the title? I do like this title though. To American ears it sounds off kilter due to the collective noun issue but once it was explained (and lupinsuppins gave me some examples) I realized that I have heard it frequently on the BBC and European news and never realized it.

        One thing I always wondered about. The word “the” which is the article, is used differently in British English and American English. You go to “hospital”, we go to “the hospital”, We see “the Doctor”, you say “Doctor will see you now”, etc. Do you know why that is? I googled it and got 10 different reasons, none of which I understood. 🙂

        Reply
        • I’m subscribed to the blog using another address as a cloud backup not dependent on WierdPress, sometimes there is a delay between me posting and the email being delivered but, so far, it has always arrived. 🙂

          The line “chorus etc” was a stand alone after the third verse, although the poem read slightly different before editing. 😀

          And your last question, I have absolutely no idea 😆

          Reply
          • damommza

             /  October 25, 2011

            Sometimes I do get a notice hours later but there are times I get no notice at all so I check periodically to see what I am missing!

            There are lots of explanations on the web regarding use of articles in American And British English and, no matter what English it’s written in, I don’t understand the explanations! :-))

            Reply
  3. damommza

     /  October 25, 2011

    AH!! I had a feeling. There is always a little problem with the languages when we write poems and I am not sure if my grammer compliments sunovawot’s and vice versa. Here it would be said “Parliament has voted and the council HAS ruled and France HAS lost” so it’s tricky. I always check with him because my grammer rules are different and we try to mesh all of our writings (although this is soley his work) :-)) Thank you for that explanation! 😀

    Reply
  4. Very moving … fitting for an October evening.

    Reply
    • Thank you, the line “glyphs of sadness drawn on a face” just popped into my head, and was, to my mind, too good to waste 😀

      Reply

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