the breakdown?

by damommza & sunovawot

HIM

i’ve even broken promises i haven’t made as yet
i’ve treated you like dirt and i’m praying you forget
all the petty tyranies i’ve held back just for you
for if you don’t come back i don’t know what i’ll do
i’m sitting feeling sorrier than i’ve ever been before
how dare you pack your bags and walk right out that door
when i told you sorry that should have been enough
it always was before but it seems you’re getting tough
oh well if i give up shaving and keep on the same clothes
and turn up on your doorstep carrying a red rose
and tell you that without you i’m permanently lost
i’ll have you back in purdah for virtually no cost

HER

You think it is so easy
to take you at your word?
a bastard like you have been
I’ve never said a word
you’ve cheated and you’ve stolen
but I’ve stayed by your side
you swear you never did it
then I find out you lied
so you can beg and grovel
and never change your clothes
and crawl around in refuse
I’d lead you by the nose
and looking at our his’try

Alternative 1

you always were a bum
I’d like to end this story
the same way it begun
the first time that I saw you
your smile shined bright like chrome
I loved you from that moment
and now I’m coming home

OR

Alternative 2

you always were a bum
if you think it’ll be easy
your troubles have just begun
I’ve slashed all of your tires
poured bleach on all your clothes
your books are in the fires
your photos, heaven knows
and now that I am finished
I’d like to say goodbye
you could have saved our love but
you didn’t really try

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21 Comments

  1. Please fell free in the comments to say which of her responses you prefer, definitely for me it is response 2 😀

    Reply
    • damommza

       /  November 3, 2011

      …and now I like them both! 😀 I wonder which one people will like best? Getting two endings out of this was a surprise, even to me! 😀 😀 😎

      Reply
      • And yet having the alternatives strengthens the whole, and hopefully adds to peoples involvement in the poem 😀

        Reply
        • damommza

           /  November 3, 2011

          The best part is hearing what other people think! We just got a comment on Villow’s blog about how much they loved “Frozen-the Trilogy” 🙂

          Reply
    • Oh, definitely response 2!! He deserves the retaliations she delivers after all the misery he dealt her. Response 1 is letting him off entirely too easily.

      Reply
      • YES, first opinion agrees with me! This, unusually, was started by me, and I asked damommza to provide “HER” response, and got two for the price of one 😀

        Reply
        • damommza

           /  November 3, 2011

          LOL!!! I had to think very hard about how to end this and I didn’t think I was going to be so easy with the first ending..then after you said you wouldn’t be so quick to forgive I thought…Hmm..I wouldn’t either, so part 2 showed up! 😀

          Reply
  2. damommza

     /  November 3, 2011

    Put an asterisk next to the line “you always were a bum” on the first and second one so that people realize it continues as an alternative ending as opposed to the 2nd one being a stand alone ending. Thank you!

    Reply
  3. Oooh! this is nice, and the double whammy at the end! 🙂 Hmm… I tend to be the forgiving type, but purdah… maybe not. With this fellow, I’d take the second alternative, though perhaps with a different twist. 🙂

    Reply
    • I didn’t give him many, if any, redeeming features, but I have met him, and his ilk (and his female counterparts) over the course of the years 🙂

      Reply
  4. They are both nice! 🙂

    Reply
  5. The nawt-sekkond Alt. is nicer, but the sekkund-sekkund won is better. Artistically, I mean.

    Reply
    • I agree, Alt.1 is the nicer, but Alt.2 would be so much more satisfying 😀

      Reply
    • damommza

       /  April 6, 2014

      Thank you kat3kets1gog!! I couldn’t remember how much of the alternate poems I wrote and how much sunovawot did, so I had to ask him..and I’m not telling!! 😀

      Reply

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