christmas time

sonny’s wearing mirror shades
while mommy cooks the books
daddy’s preaching to the choir
and giving us rude looks

it must be christmas time again
as anyone can see
that everything once held in trust
no longer comes for free

sister’s taking off her clothes
to please some sad old men
while grandmama is fiddling with
her fiddle now and then

it must be christmas time they say
goodwill and all that crap
the hymns and carols have all gone
replaced by righteous rap

they’re dancing in the courtyards still
and playing to the crowd
the thoughts once thought forbidden
are spoken now aloud

it must be christmas time I’m sure
the trumps have played their song
how could it be another time
when all we knew is wrong

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Christmastime

Christmas, lord it’s Christmas, and there’s nothing you can do
but to pray to any passing god that you can struggle through
you have no choice at all it seems, a servant to your fate
just dancing decorously round the people that you hate

have another sandwich dear, perhaps a piece of cake
your stomachs full, your back is sore, your smile muscles ache
and that is it, you’ve had enough, you scream leave me alone
you storm right out, and slam the door, then go home on your own

and home is as you left it, the precious balm of peace
there’s nothing could be better to bring you sweet release
and as you sit yourself down, and take a sip of beer
you promise that you’re staying home at Christmastime next year

late

come he told her gently
and reached out for her hand
follow in my footsteps
we’ll reach that magic land
where all the elves are feisty
and Santa mighty pissed
the reindeer are all bolshie
and Rudolph’s sorely missed
he went out for a tinkle
we told him don’t be long
but he has not returned yet
which buggers up the song
so Donner’s wearing greasepaint
and Blitzen a false nose
but neither one is working
so Santa can’t use those
the toy shop has been burnt down
destroying all the toys
but at least there is no shortage
of coal for naughty boys
and Santa won’t stop drinking
he’s on his second crate
so sadly we must tell you
this year Christmas is late

xmas? yeah, right

by damommza & sunovawot

The shopping is over
The wrapping is done
I’ve made lots of cookies
And eaten every one
The stockings are hung
By the chimney with care
I’m off to the gym
Before I outgrow this chair….

the shopping’s not done yet
the wrapping’s a chore
I ain’t making cookies
’cause cooking’s a bore
the stockings are holey
the chimney is blocked
I’ll forgo the gym ’cause
the bar is well stocked

catmuss vurses

iz catmuss so tehy tel mii
ai see noe need tu dowt
butt ai’l juss sit heer kwiet
adn wayt teh catmuss owt

ai brawt yoo a prezzunt
teh jollee man sed
rapt up in paypurr
adn tyed up wif fred
heer yoo kan haz it
butt pleez du nott sae
iz juss wot yoo wonted
tehn hied it awae

tu mush tu eet
tu mush tu drynk
tu fat tu wawk
tu tierd tu fink

Bah…

by sunovawot & damommza

take some drops of the Christmas shops
a pinch or three of a shedding tree
a jigger or so of the yellow snow
the merest scent of the wrong present
and that’s how you make Bah Humbugs

add a touch of dread from some stollen bread
a soupcon of fog from rancid egg nog
and parts of a fly from a stale mince pie
with a sprinkle of dust from a burnt chestnut
and that’s how you make Bah Humbugs

and NEIGH NEIGH NEIGH for the horse and sleigh
that damn “Jingle Bell” with it’s visions of hell
there’s more than enough of that awful frozen stuff
but the thought of the bills just gives me the chills
and that’s how you make Bah Humbugs

when its more than you can bear and the New Year is here
then you read about a diet and you just have to try it
and the chocolate and the bunnies are costing lot of monies
now you realize you missed all the joy of Christmas
and you can’t wait to be a Bah Humbug.

a fire and a chair

the day is made of icicles
the night is made of rime
summer’s just a memory
lost in some other time
planted in my easy chair
set before the fire
sipping on a hot drink
I can hear a choir
somewhere in the darkness
their words are on the night
singing of the first noel
and how it brought delight
this isn’t how I planned it
this season of my life
no friends no job no money
no children and no wife
just me and empty moments
I know not how to fill
the fire loses hold and I
can feel the winter’s chill
christmas time is here again
the words hang in the air
and I make do with what I have
a fire and a chair

Xmas Noir

it was cold and I was tired and I couldn’t give a damn
despite your pretty words I knew it was a sham
I was five years old and I’d been through bloody hell
I still had lurid nightmares of that damned “Speak and Spell”
and now you stood before me with that superior air
two years older than me and pretending you don’t care
well I had been to play school and come back on my feet
I had faced potty training without missing a beat
and here you stood before me trying to make me cry
but when you said that there’s no Santa I knew it was a lie

seezunz greetz

skrambuld froo annuver yeer
iz gettin ravver owld
teh winturz creepin in it seemz
adn iz gettin orful cowld
butt ai can cownt mai blessinz
adn tehrez been a fyoo
teh graytust of tehm awl, of corse,
woz meetin awl of yoo 😀

Merree Catmas tu awl

pleshur / Pleasure

This was originally written in lolspeek but I thought it would go better in normal English, so I translated it and offer both versions:

shiverrin adn shakin in teh dark adn in teh cowld
it reely iz a pitty hao yoo weeken wen yoor owld
nao taht ai iz ayjin winturz seem tu be a bind
adn ai scrabbul adn ai skrambuk for enny gud taht ai can find
adn ai noe taht if it eggsists tehn ai wil find a wae
tu drag it kikkin, skreemin, in tu teh lite of dae
butt so far ai haz had noe luk adn purr hapz ai nebber wil
itz so sad tu be deekreppit adn far over teh hil
teh ownly pleshur ai haz left, az teh seesuns pass
iz tu wish yoo “Merree Crismus” adn rayz a wel-filld glass

Shivering and shaking in the dark and in the cold,
it really is a pity how you weaken when you’re old.
Now that I am aging winter seems to be a bind,
and I scrabble and I scramble for any good that I can find,
and I know that if it exists then I will find a way
to drag it kicking, screaming, into the light of day.
But so far I have had no luck, and perhaps I never will,
it’s so sad to be decrepit and far over the hill.
The only pleasure I have left, as the seasons pass,
is to wish you “Merry Xmas!”, and raise a well-filled glass!